Unconditional love for grandchildren9/3/2023 Her book does falter in a few ways, though. (And while this may or may not reflect on her wisdom about childrearing, it feels worth noting that her son is the founder of the beautiful and humane audio project Stor圜orps.) Her prose is gentle and light, and she shares her own feelings of joy, reward, humility, and hurt with a seasoned and mature candor. She is a masterful editor who has brought numerous well-known psychology books to the public and has authored many of her own books, as well. For example, your limits regarding how much time or money you can spend on your grandchildren may require intentional conversations to avoid misinterpretations-for example, that you don’t like them or that you have favorites. She deftly and kindly advises on how to navigate your own needs with the new family. Yet Isay recognizes that grandparents have concerns and wants, too. “Respect makes life easier and keeps the welcome mat out,” she says. Keep your criticisms, opinions, and revelations about how you did things to yourself. And if there’s trouble between your child and his or her co-parent, stay neutral, or get out of the house. Support them by respecting their rules (about sugar, screen time, material possessions, and more). In particular, observe how your adult children want to parent, she advises. Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today (Harper, 2018, 240 pages) Isay encourages an attitude of respect, communication, forgiveness, and self-restraint. Add to the mix that your children’s partners are challenged with figuring out where they belong in your extended family, and you have some potential stumbling blocks to harmony. Or, if there are unresolved conflicts from the past, it can be more difficult. With your own adult children, Isay says, communication can be easy and effortless because of a long history together. Tending to these relationships, Isay reminds, is not only rewarding but important to stabilizing the fabric of love that supports a grandchild. My favorite part of the book addresses something most grandparenting books overlook-the relationship between grandparents and their grown children (and children’s partners). One grandfather paused his interview with Isay to greet his four-year-old grandson the way he always does-by hiding from the boy as he walked through the door and then jumping out to surprise him in a gleeful meeting ritual. Isay’s numerous interviews with grandparents and grandchildren illustrate the creative ways that individual people navigate this special relationship. It is not the material gifts or the forbidden indulgences that are memorable to grandchildren, she says, but the gifts of your perspective and access to your world-taking them birdwatching, watching your approach to panhandlers, validating their emerging truth (like their gender identity), and accepting a teenager’s growing-but temporary-sense of distance. Isay offers tips on creating channels of connection and communication with grandchildren: how to enter a child’s world, how to stay in relationship as they grow, how to create the rituals that foster consistency and fun, and when to let go. They are the keepers of the stories that bridge multiple generations and that contribute to a child’s growing sense of autobiography-where they came from, who their ancestors are, and the qualities they’re connected to. Grandparents also hold a unique position in the family system, Isay explains. Grandparents are more likely to see grandchildren for who they really are, not who they wish them to be, writes Isay. In the best cases, grandparents’ unconditional love, slower pace, and careful attention nurture grandchildren’s “moral imagination”-the “ability to put themselves in the shoes of others, to understand their own feelings, and to respond to the world with kindness and acceptance.” Grandparents’ unconditional acceptance helps to grow children’s empathy grandparents impart courage, as grandchildren witness living examples of lives filled with love, sacrifice, and struggle and grandparents’ encouragement of children’s dreams builds confidence and personal agency. With both of these grandparents, I found a peace and acceptance that was absent in my immediate family. My mother’s father, aloof and removed, found a way to reach out by making me rye bread, playing cribbage with me, and taking me on his long walks that followed frozen rivers through the woods. My mother’s mother, a prohibitionist and Sunday school teacher, was the person who was most interested in my thoughts-on any subject-which made me feel valued. My own grandparents were safe harbors in my turbulent childhood. From the GGSC to your bookshelf: 30 science-backed tools for well-being.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply.AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |